The icing on the cake is my mental state-which I have FINALLY noticed is not so good...For more reasons than my own health. A family member close to me-well, that's something maybe for some other time. But all that stress personally-added to the world situation and how I feel about politics-mix that all up together and you got a toxic place for your head to live in.
When I finally noticed that I am always on the verge of bursting into tears-I was able to step back and say-this has to change. Some positive actions need to take place, and pronto.
So where is my relationship with God in all of this ?? You know what I hate? It's Christians that say to your face that you just gotta trust and pray and have more faith. THEY have it all together, and what's wrong that YOU can't shape up?? I am much more ready to listen to someone who will readily admit they don't have it all together all the time. That they hurt, that they question, that they doubt. And in the end, that God speaks to them anyway. We don't have to be all squeaky perfect-we aren't squeaky perfect.
I have a few health challenges, but most of us do. I have some anxiety that can get out of hand, but I've been through that before too.
God hasn't changed-He still loves me.
I'll start from there because that's enough for now.
Thank you for listening to me. If you want to, please tell me some of your own hard things. Maybe sharing is letting some of the weight roll off.
DebraXXOO
7 comments:
Oh my goodness......my prayers and hugs to you for what you are going through. I am sorry that your son has tested for the same issue. Sometimes when others can only say that you gotta pray and have faith and then they don't go on to state that they too have issues is, I think, they also find it hard to talk about their own issues and some think it may be insensitive to talk about their issues when they know you are having a hard time......so they try to think of what is the only positive thing they can think at that moment. You are right.........we all have struggles and issues and the good Lord knows we are not at all perfect. Hang in there and know that you do have people ,me included, that have you covered in prayer and good thoughts.
Oh my goodness, I am so sorry......my prayers and hugs to you for what you are going through. I am sorry that your son has tested for the same issue. Sometimes when others can only say that you gotta pray and have faith and then they don't go on to state that they too have issues is, I think, they also find it hard to talk about their own issues and some think it may be insensitive to talk about their issues when they know you are having a hard time......so they try to think of what is the only positive thing they can think at that moment. You are right.........we all have struggles and issues and the good Lord knows we are not at all perfect. Hang in there and know that you do have people ,me included, that have you covered in prayer and good thoughts.
First, thank you for the wonderful honor and it truly is. I'm very sorry you are going through so much. Life in general can be hard, but times like now are even more distressing. I want to tell you with all of my being that stage 3 CKD is doable. This is something I can help with. My husband had kidney cancer and lost one kidney. His remaining kidney is not doing well and was at stage 4. His doctor is an ass and told us to watch his protein. OK, really? That's it. Being the researcher that I am I got with every kidney organization, Mayo clinic, and other places to find out what I can do. Ohhh did I learn a lot. I told Mr. M. he wasn't gong to like it but if he ate what I made his kidney would get better. In just 2 months he went from stage 4 to 3B. The kidney blood work changes depending on when you actually do the blood work. At times he is 3A. So making some changes to your diet can really improve your kidney. Email me if you like. Remember this, you are a warrior too. You live each day without giving up. You have faith that sustains you. But the best part, is that you have shared and getting out is part of being strong. For me, I found things that make me happy. Gardening, although this year not much, art and watching good movies. Find those things that will take you away from every day. I look forward to your next post.
KIdney disease is scary. My husband had a rare autoimmune diseases that wiped out both of his kidneys completely. He ended up having a transplant. It's a tough time going through it. A statin can help your cholesterol too. I have genetic high cholesterol and the station has really helped me. Keep your chin up and I hope all the things you do makes a huge improvement for you.
Dear Debra,
Thank you for sharing so honestly. I’m really sorry you’re carrying so much right now... your health concerns, the family worries, and the weight of the world on top of it all. That is a lot for one heart to hold.
What you wrote about faith really touched me. I understand so well what you mean about not needing quick Christian answers, but honest faith in the middle of fear, pain and questions. “God has not changed... He still loves me” is such a simple sentence, but also a very strong place to begin.
I’m praying that you may feel held, one day and one step at a time. Thank you for being real. It helps others feel less alone too.
LIefs: Aritha
Oh yes, those "hard" things do keep coming. There is nothing I can say better than your previous post, Easter, says it, which I keep reading. Other than that, make art! :~)
Ah Debra I am so sorry to read about the hard things you are going through. Health issues are always scary and sometimes it is just downright difficult to sort through what is true and what is a lie.
As for having it altogether - it makes me question if that person is living on planet earth in a human body. Anxiety is everywhere and even as a Christians we fall prey to all the world's trials and troubles.
I too have some hard things and there are days when all that is happening becomes overwhelming. I will pray for you and I know you will pray for me. God Bless You sweet friend. Hugs!
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