Be the GOOD in this World. You can make a difference.

 Watercolor

copyright Debra Smith

I have been reading blogs when I can, but having dry eye makes it a little hard, so I don't blog much anymore.

I miss my blog friends!

 It seems a bit mean to mention this, BUT

I have noticed a lot of views here from other countries of my old artwork. I don't think my art is that great, but I know it is easy to steal photos for your own use.

So if you are doing this-

PLEASE STOP.

It's not worth it.

Be kind.

There are too many hurtful, sad and awful things going on in this world.

Be a person that doesn't go that way.

Make a difference for GOOD.

Hello

 Some random photos from older blogs of mine that I have stopped using.

I'm so anxious for Spring. Please take care everyone.

God bless you.

 November 11

My mom went to heaven.

I have not known grief like this. It will take time.

I miss her terribly.

 November 8

Mom is sleeping, then awake long enough to take a little drink. Yesterday she kept saying, 

"Bye bye, bye bye." 

We were going to stay all night. Perhaps God had given her a word that He was coming to take her to heaven. But she slept, and we quietly walked out of her room.

Today while I was in Walmart it hit me that I wouldn't be buying her Christmas gifts this year. I had to stuff down tears.

But an extraordinary thing happened to me while I was in Walmart. People-strangers-smiled at me! When had that ever happened in Walmart? Almost never.

I decided it was because I no longer carry my guilt over my conflicted feelings and regrets about resentment towards my mom. It does not show on my face like it used to. I am being changed.

It is glorious, and in this sad time, I have Joy.

 

November 6

"For there is hope for a tree if it be cut down, that it will sprout again, and that its shoots will not cease. Though its root grow old in the earth, and its stump die in the soil, yet at the scent of water it will bud and put out branches like a young plant."  Job 14:7-9.

There is always hope.

When God seems silent, He is working still.

So perhaps you wonder why I am writing about such a personal heart breaking thing like my mom dying. How can I write when I hurt a hundred times a day? Why am I making a private part of my life out there for the world to see?

Because for much of my life I did not have a very good feeling about my mom. We hurt each other. There were years of misunderstanding-but yes, times of love that did keep us connected.

It took my mom to be in this condition to break my heart and give up the huge resentments and unforgiveness that always clouded my thoughts. That state of mind hardened my heart.

"yet at the scent of water..."

And I called myself a Christian...Yes, I believed, but I lived with "rooms" shut off from God. "Do not enter, I am hurt, I will hold onto this hurt."

But it only hurt me, and of course, my mom.

All this to say: thankfully the heart of stone has been removed. I have to give my stack of regrets to God, who hides them, takes them away-His Word says so.

Because I have repented- I have turned around.

So I write and publish a blog post to give you hope, maybe. If you even desire to be changed by God, He will do it. 

And my mom knows how much I love her.

Because I can truly tell her I do.

 November 3

I'm in her room, sitting close. She's sleeping. I can't awaken her. She's breathing steady, nice breaths.

The curtains are closed on a bright afternoon sun. The clock on her wall hasn't been set to the right time yet.

I think how that doesn't matter. Time is not counted where she is in her sleep, and it won't be counted where she is going when she takes her last breath.

I want to be in this room when that happens. I want to be sitting near her.

And tell her how very much I love her.

On a Wing

 When you are stripped of everything in life-the possessions you love, your clothing, the ability to walk, being able to communicate well; when you are at the mercy of others for all of your needs-the world becomes very meaningless. 

What doesn't matter at all:

The election

what day it is

grudges + offences

hopes + dreams

Because here you are in a hospital bed and you are facing a final day on earth.

That is my mom's reality. Right now.

I'm writing about it because I need to.

She had a third stroke- a bad one. She is on comfort care. I visit every day. Some days are better than others. When I can get her to sip the thickened drinks-it's a good day. Bad days are when she is sleeping and I count her breaths per minute.

The most important reason none of life's troubles or joys are meaningless to her is that she is waiting for Jesus to come and take her Home. 

There is nothing more important than knowing who God is and why on earth He loves us so much.

That thing in the back of your mind that creeps up to the front now and then and won't let you rest-that sin- that thing you know you did that was wrong. Well, Jesus died for that sin.

For all sin. For everyone.

You know what? Nothing else matters.

Ask Jesus into your heart.

He's real. And He loves you with a love that's impossible to contain in words.

He loves you.