November 8

Mom is sleeping, then awake long enough to take a little drink. Yesterday she kept saying, 

"Bye bye, bye bye." 

We were going to stay all night. Perhaps God had given her a word that He was coming to take her to heaven. But she slept, and we quietly walked out of her room.

Today while I was in Walmart it hit me that I wouldn't be buying her Christmas gifts this year. I had to stuff down tears.

But an extraordinary thing happened to me while I was in Walmart. People-strangers-smiled at me! When had that ever happened in Walmart? Almost never.

I decided it was because I no longer carry my guilt over my conflicted feelings and regrets about resentment towards my mom. It does not show on my face like it used to. I am being changed.

It is glorious, and in this sad time, I have Joy.