"For there is hope for a tree if it be cut down, that it will sprout again, and that its shoots will not cease. Though its root grow old in the earth, and its stump die in the soil, yet at the scent of water it will bud and put out branches like a young plant." Job 14:7-9.
There is always hope.
When God seems silent, He is working still.
So perhaps you wonder why I am writing about such a personal heart breaking thing like my mom dying. How can I write when I hurt a hundred times a day? Why am I making a private part of my life out there for the world to see?
Because for much of my life I did not have a very good feeling about my mom. We hurt each other. There were years of misunderstanding-but yes, times of love that did keep us connected.
It took my mom to be in this condition to break my heart and give up the huge resentments and unforgiveness that always clouded my thoughts. That state of mind hardened my heart.
"yet at the scent of water..."
And I called myself a Christian...Yes, I believed, but I lived with "rooms" shut off from God. "Do not enter, I am hurt, I will hold onto this hurt."
But it only hurt me, and of course, my mom.
All this to say: thankfully the heart of stone has been removed. I have to give my stack of regrets to God, who hides them, takes them away-His Word says so.
Because I have repented- I have turned around.
So I write and publish a blog post to give you hope, maybe. If you even desire to be changed by God, He will do it.
And my mom knows how much I love her.
Because I can truly tell her I do.
3 comments:
Ah Debra been praying for you and will continue. Please take care and yes God loves us so much - He loves your Mom too. Will keep praying for you. Hugs!
I'm glad you shared this on the blog—thank you for opening up about breaking the chains of resentment that held you captive. I know how that feels too. It was only when my mother passed away that I began to understand and forgive her, and I loved her deeply.
Debra. this was so beautifully written. I went through a devasting time after my brother died at the end of 2020. Guilt and shame plagued me, but I couldn't possibly write about it publicly. At the time, I thought I couldn't survive it, but over time, and through different modes (a conversation here, a sermon there, a song, a Bible study, walks through nature, prayer...) I slowly healed, and believed that God could forgive me. I'd love to write something about it to share with others. This post gives me a glimpse of how that might be possible. We'll see... Thank you so much for sharing.
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