November 6

"For there is hope for a tree if it be cut down, that it will sprout again, and that its shoots will not cease. Though its root grow old in the earth, and its stump die in the soil, yet at the scent of water it will bud and put out branches like a young plant."  Job 14:7-9.

There is always hope.

When God seems silent, He is working still.

So perhaps you wonder why I am writing about such a personal heart breaking thing like my mom dying. How can I write when I hurt a hundred times a day? Why am I making a private part of my life out there for the world to see?

Because for much of my life I did not have a very good feeling about my mom. We hurt each other. There were years of misunderstanding-but yes, times of love that did keep us connected.

It took my mom to be in this condition to break my heart and give up the huge resentments and unforgiveness that always clouded my thoughts. That state of mind hardened my heart.

"yet at the scent of water..."

And I called myself a Christian...Yes, I believed, but I lived with "rooms" shut off from God. "Do not enter, I am hurt, I will hold onto this hurt."

But it only hurt me, and of course, my mom.

All this to say: thankfully the heart of stone has been removed. I have to give my stack of regrets to God, who hides them, takes them away-His Word says so.

Because I have repented- I have turned around.

So I write and publish a blog post to give you hope, maybe. If you even desire to be changed by God, He will do it. 

And my mom knows how much I love her.

Because I can truly tell her I do.